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An E-mail that Received No Response

Ritch Duncan

Wild about Baskets

We're really wild about baskets! We want you to be wild about them too!!

Email us at: (withheld)@aol.com"

-From the website http://www.wildaboutbaskets.com

From: Ritch Duncan
Date: Wed, 21 Jul 2004 15:30:41 -0400
To: <(withheld)@aol.com >
Subject: Basket questions

Hello- I am an unemployed writer living in Brooklyn, and I just came upon your website after a Google search looking for the history of the term "Hell in a hand basket." My dad says it all the time, usually in reference to how I'm living my life, and it cracks me right up. What’s the story with that?! I figured you would be the person to ask, as you say on your website: "We're really wild about baskets! We want you to be wild about them too!!"

Currently, it would be a stretch to say that I am "wild" about baskets, but I certainly have nothing against them. All things considered, I am staunchly pro-basket.

In fact, I own a basket and I enjoy it quite a bit. Right now, it is sitting in my bedroom, and I put magazines and books in it so I can peruse them before bed. Still, my enjoyment of my basket is fairly conservative. Don't get me wrong, it's a nice basket. It was a gift from my mother and I enjoy having somewhere to put my magazines. Still- I think "wild" would not be the right adjective to describe my basket-related emotions.

Is there anything you could suggest that would increase my overall wildness about the one basket I do own, or does building a wildness vis-à-vis baskets require multiple baskets to get all fired up over?

I'd guess that you would suggest more baskets, or your website might not be called "Wild About Baskets," it might be called "Get Wild About The Basket You Own!" or "I'm Wild About My One Solitary Basket!" or "Hey you. Get your Goddamn Hands Off My Basket! It's My Favorite Basket, And I Am So Wild About It That Any Attempt To Wrest It From My Grasp Could Lead To Violence! Go Ahead And Test Me, Padre."

Come to think of it, seeing as I have never met anyone who is wild about baskets, I have several other basket-related questions if you have the time:

What is a tisket?

You probably saw this one coming, but while you are at it, what is a tasket?

Of these major sports terms employing the term "basket," which is your favorite and why?

"Putting the biscuit in the basket."- Hockey

"Making a running basket catch"- Baseball

"Basket!"- Basketball

Do you like basketball, or has the replacement of the original basket with a hoop and net caused you to abandon the sport entirely?

If they were to go back to using an actual basket in basketball, what kind of basket would you recommend? Keep in mind, it ought to be strong enough to withstand an NBA dunk.

What is the best basket movie of all time?

(NOTE: My vote goes to "Basket Case," about a pair of conjoined twins who are separated when they were young, and the one twin lugs around his mutated brother named Belial in a huge basket. Belial is pretty much just a head with an arm, and he goes nuts and kills people who get too close to his brother, because he has abandonment issues. I'm not sure how you are on horror films, but the basket gets a lot of screen time, so I thought you might be into that. There are a bunch of sequels, but stick to the original. Just a tip.)

It also could be "The Wizard of Oz." Lots of basket in that one, too. Thoughts?

Would you agree with art critic Robert's Hughes' assertion that the early images of 1980's artist Jean-Michel Basquait look quite vivid and sharp at first sight, but despite the fact that Basquait could bring off an intriguing passage of spiky marks or a brisk clash of blaring color from time to time, the work quickly settles into the visual monotony of arid overstyling?

If you were to ever punch a guy, would you aim for the bread-basket, or would your ardor for baskets lead you to punch elsewhere, like the throat or spine?

OK- I think that's all the basket questions I have for now. I bet I could think of some more, but I'm late for a picnic, and need to pack a bag.


Ritch Duncan


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