J<\/span>une 20, 1990
\nArrived in Columbia, Missouri. A group of people in shorts met me at the local airport \u2013 presumably, my sponsors. They don\u2019t speak Russian and I don\u2019t speak English, so it\u2019s hard to know for sure.<\/p>\n

July 4, 1990
\nAmericans are celebrating their independence. I\u2019ve never studied American history, so I\u2019m not quite sure from whom. The temperature is 41 degrees Celsius. They measure everything in Fahrenheit, and my thermometer reads 105 \u2013 which makes me feel even worse.<\/a><\/p>\n

August 18, 1990
\nA small tornado hit the town. Nobody got killed, but several houses lost their roofs. Some people say that we may have an earthquake here soon, too. Reconsidering my coming here. As bad as it was in Russia, we never had either one.<\/p>\n

September 6, 1990
\nNo Russian-speaking engineers needed. Had two choices: going to work for Merry Maids or a nursing home. Chose the latter. Now, I\u2019m a nurse\u2019s aide working the third shift. Which is good \u2013 the residents sleep and nobody speaks English.<\/p>\n

October 31, 1990
\nA neighbor with a daughter dressed in a black cloak came to the door looking for candy. They didn\u2019t look hungry, so I\u2019m very suspicious. After they left, I looked outside \u2013 the street was full of children searching for sweets. Apparently, they have shortages in America, too.<\/p>\n

November 22, 1990
\nGot invited to a Thanksgiving dinner. The food was baked turkey and red potatoes. Even in Russia, where red was very popular, potatoes were white! I skipped the potatoes and ate the turkey that was stuffed with bread. That way, I suppose, they can feed more people.<\/p>\n

December 25, 1990
\nAmerican Christmas comes before New Year\u2019s. In Russia, it came after, and nobody celebrated it.<\/p>\n

February, 1991
\nLearned some English phrases, quit the nursing home, and got a job at a public library shelving books \u2013 that way I do not have to talk to anybody, although one young woman did ask me where the restroom was. It was just around the corner, but I panicked and gestured towards the reference desk.<\/p>\n

September, 1991
\nWhat a language! Half of the words have multiple meanings, while the other half sound the same but mean different things. No matter how I twist my tongue, I can\u2019t roar the American \u201cr,\u201d or hiss their \u201cthe.\u201d My \u201cthink\u201d comes out as \u201csink.\u201d Even when I say \u201cHi,\u201d people ask where I\u2019m from.<\/p>\n

October, 1991
\nAmerican expressions are weird, too. When did they ever see \u201craining cats and dogs\u201d? And what about \u201cgive a leg up\u201d? Why would I lift my leg if somebody needs a ride home? Also, \u201cit costs an arm and a leg.\u201d In Russia, we never paid with our limbs! Yesterday somebody said, \u201cI dropped the ball.\u201d I looked. No ball. What did she drop? Where?<\/p>\n

December 1991
\nGot promoted to the Front Desk. Understand about 25%. Today, a patron asked about groundhogs. I knew \u201cground\u201d and also \u201chogs,\u201d so I sent him to a grocery store. Expect to be fired every day.<\/p>\n

October 1992
\nStarted reading books in English. Also, made my first \u201cLibrary will close in fifteen minutes\u201d announcement. Everybody left immediately, including some staff. They said that it \u201csounded scary.\u201d<\/p>\n

December 1993
\nDecided to go back to school and get a Library Science degree. Went to the local University and filled out an application. Spelled \u201cLibrary\u201d just fine but not \u201cSience.\u201d Got a funny look from the admission staff.<\/p>\n

December 1994
\nTook the GRE. Scored 95% on Math and 15% on English. Confused \u201chair\u201d with \u201chare,\u201d \u201ctale\u201d with \u201ctail,\u201d \u201cwonder\u201d with \u201cwander,\u201d \u201cdesert\u201d with \u201cdessert,\u201d and \u201cwhipping\u201d with \u201cweeping.\u201d Passed anyway; they took the average.<\/p>\n

January 1994
\nGoing to school part time, working at the library full-time \u2013 now at the reference desk. Yesterday, a nice-looking gray-haired lady asked me about whales. I took her to the animal section. Who knew she was going to Wales? No time to eat. Lost five pounds.<\/p>\n

December 1995
\nBecame a naturalized American citizen. At work, a patron asked how to \u201cdress\u201d a deer. I said, \u201cDo you mean clothes or stuffing?\u201d Another patron wanted pictures of a stagecoach. I knew \u201cstage\u201d and \u201ccoach\u201d (like in sports) but couldn\u2019t imagine them together and had to ask for help. Lost another five pounds.<\/p>\n

September 1996
\nLast semester. Preparing for the Comprehensive Exam and dating an American. Ran out of \u201cI was sick\u201d excuses and told my professor that my paper was late because I was getting married. He understood. Not sure what I\u2019ll tell him next time. Maybe, \u201cI\u2019m getting divorced\u201d? Lost five more pounds.<\/p>\n

December 1996
\nGot my Master\u2019s degree! Voted for Clinton and he won. Also, received a marriage proposal. Well, I don\u2019t know about that, but it felt good.<\/p>\n

Fall 1997
\nWas promoted to a reference librarian \u2013 doubled the salary and the fear of being fired. Married the American, too! Now, I speak English 24\/7. Gained five pounds.<\/p>\n

Fall 1998
\nMy husband does a great job of correcting my English \u2013 especially when we argue. Also, dreamt in English for the first time. Is that what happens when you marry an American citizen? Gained five more pounds.<\/p>\n

Fall 1999
\nA guy wearing a \u201clion\u201d cloth tried to enter the library today. As soon as I got home, I described the event to my husband. He was very surprised \u2013 not with the guy, but with the cloth. Then he said, \u201cDid you mean \u201cloin?\u201d Gained five more pounds.<\/p>\n

Spring 2000
\nWe moved to a house by the edge of the woods. Now, I\u2019m spending all my free time landscaping our yard. Lost five pounds.<\/p>\n

Fall 2000
\nDeer ate everything I planted. We voted for Al Gore, but he lost.<\/p>\n

Summer 2001
\nTried new plants, and so did the deer. The plants are gone; the deer are still around.<\/p>\n

Summer 2002
\nFound one kind of bush that the deer don\u2019t like. Planted them everywhere.<\/p>\n

Spring 2004
\nWent bird watching with my husband. Saw 3 ducks, 5 geese, and one woodpecker \u2013 all of which live in our neighborhood, too. Put up a birdfeeder in the back yard, so we don\u2019t have to drive anywhere.<\/p>\n

November 2004
\nNo birdfeeder survives. We keep losing them to the deer, raccoons, and squirrels. Voted for John Kerry and he lost, too.<\/p>\n

Summer 2005
\nDeer destroyed everything, again, so no landscaping is needed. Used my free time to write about the deer eating my \u201clushes\u201d plants and sent it to the local newspaper. The story got published, although they replaced \u201clushes\u201d with \u201clush.\u201d<\/p>\n

Spring 2007
\nNow, we are having moles and \u201caunts\u201d problems. Wrote about that, too. My husband read my story and said, \u201cI think you meant \u2018ants.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

Summer 2008
\nContinue writing. This time, I wrote how my husband and I \u201ctied the nut\u201d eleven years ago, and how \u201cexiting\u201d that was. Showed it to my husband. After he stopped laughing, he suggested
\ncorrect replacements.<\/p>\n

Summer 2010
\nWrote an essay about what life was like in the former Soviet Union, especially for Jews. The essay got published in The Christian Science Monitor, and I got my first fan letter! Opened it with shaking hands. Read that the only thing missing in my life now was converting to Christianity.<\/p>\n

Spring 2013
\nSpend all my free time writing. No time for working in the yard, watching movies \u2014 even weighing myself. Is that what it means to be a writer?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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