<\/p>\n

One day, my stepdaughter came over from a visit to her grandparents\u2019 house with a lost molar, three dollars, and a bag of confetti to show for it. \u00a0I was dealing with the misery of PMS at the time: bloating, spotting, cramps, and an insatiable appetite with its attached guilt.\u00a0 Then it occurred to me\u2014wouldn\u2019t it be nice to have a period fairy?<\/p>\n

After all, if the loss of a tooth is scary, try being a teenager and one day finding blood dripping from your down there<\/em>.\u00a0 No matter how much you have heard about it (that is, if someone actually told you about it beforehand), you are terrified. \u00a0My sister-in-law begged her mom not to tell her dad about it, because she thought she had done something wrong.\u00a0 My friend\u2019s daughter came to her after her first period, weeping. \u201cI\u2019m glad it\u2019s finally over,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n

\u201cI know it\u2019s hard being a woman, but you get some time out until next month,\u201d Jill reassured her.<\/p>\n

\u201cNext month?<\/em>\u201d her daughter cried. \u201cIsn\u2019t it supposed to happen once a year?\u201d<\/p>\n

I remember my own first time, the summer of seventh grade.\u00a0 One day I was a kid playing with my brothers, and overnight, I grew up.\u00a0 The damn thing went on for two weeks, robbing my energy.\u00a0 Plus, it\u2019s not easy running around with a wet, bulky pad between your legs.\u00a0 I could have used a gentle fairy then and I could certainly use one now.\u00a0 \u00a0<\/p>\n

The next time menses hits, I want to wake up covered in glitter\u2014maybe with a box of chocolates (anything to satisfy the sugar cravings), crisp bills in a pink gauze bag, and a sweet note from the Period Fairy telling me how brave I must have been when it happened, how marvelously my genitourinary system is working, how well I have cared for my uterus and ovaries, and that mine is the best flow she has ever seen.\u00a0 That it is, in fact, a lovely gift to the world\u2014or, if not the world, then at least to her fairyland. I also want the note to be on a large scroll (because large problems require large fairies), written on aged paper, and wrapped with a ribbon.\u00a0 I want her to put some thought into it, take her time, maybe write it in script\u2014curly handwriting is fine, the way she does for my stepdaughters when they are at our house. And she should sign it, Love, your friend, the Period Fairy<\/em>.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Alternatively, if I get my period in the middle of the day, I\u2019d love to find confetti spread on my bed.\u00a0 Rose petals are fine too.\u00a0 Those, plus the above-mentioned items.\u00a0 If it\u2019s not too much, 600 mg of Motrin would also be appreciated.\u00a0 And she shouldn\u2019t bother with dollar bills.\u00a0 Bigger losses require more money.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Because periods don\u2019t just come with pain and blood loss, they bring other losses, too.<\/p>\n

If I\u2019m a woman who wants children, then every one of these episodes signifies a lost opportunity, which can be psychologically devastating.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n

If I\u2019m a woman who doesn\u2019t want children, then I\u2019m enduring pointless cramps once a month.<\/p>\n

If I\u2019m part of a religion that believes my period makes me unclean, then I can\u2019t participate in religious rituals.\u00a0<\/p>\n

If I\u2019m a woman who feels gross when I get my period, then I avoid swimming or the hot tub.<\/p>\n

If I\u2019m with a man who is afraid of blood, there\u2019s no sex for me that week.<\/p>\n

If I complain, then I get condescending remarks from men, who wish they could use the period excuse \u201ccard\u201d once a month.\u00a0 (Yes, the loss of the egg that would become their child is suddenly a \u201ccard.\u201d)\u00a0<\/p>\n

If I get bloating in a culture where Cosmo<\/em> calls a size-six model plus size, I am certainly likely to suffer body hatred of a kind that is resistant to friends\u2019 reassurances.\u00a0 The fairy could be immensely helpful here.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Most importantly, the event that turned me into a woman has also marginalized me.\u00a0 The world suddenly started seeing me as crazy, emotional, and irrational\u2014and in some cases unfit to make good decisions in society.\u00a0 Yet, I am expected to have babies, because that\u2019s what menses has condensed me to\u2014a ticking biological clock.<\/p>\n

Have I made my case, Period Fairy?\u00a0 When can we get started?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

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