Although I\u2019m generally wary of men who use emoticons or are overzealous with exclamation points, I can\u2019t help but trust Jack with that All-American-Man smile. He looks like he could be eating a whole apple pie, by a campfire, on Memorial Day. A few more messages zing back and forth: He\u2019s from Connecticut! I\u2019m from Pennsylvania! We both like the Mets! Or at least I pretend to!
\n<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

We have so much in common. <\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

We decide to go on our first date at a beer garden in Williamsburg. The night before, he asks for my email so he can let me know if he gets held up at work. I say sure, and give him the one I use exclusively for online dating because it doesn\u2019t show my last name. I can\u2019t have the men who Google me finding my LiveJournal from 2002, when I was fat.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

Of course, I know how to Google-sleuth Jack, even without his last name. It isn\u2019t so hard once I discover that he graduated from Boston College in 2005 and that one of his favorite activities is lacrosse. There he is, Jack Kandinsky, #22 on the 2002 Boston College J.V. Lacrosse roster. From there, I find high school prom pictures on his mom\u2019s Picasa album. I find the website he designed as an undergrad. I find his LinkedIn profile, Facebook page, and Twitter account. And then I find his friend\u2019s wedding pictures. I let out a small gasp when I see Jack canoodling with a tall leggy blonde. In one picture she is nibbling on his ear. In another they are doing the electric slide. My heart sinks: a definite ex. But they\u2019re obviously no longer together, which can only mean something awful must have happened, right? I bet she cheated on him, leaving him damaged but resolved to heal. I admire his resilience; I\u2019ve been in his shoes before. Now I feel closer to him than ever.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

On D-day, I can\u2019t resist Facebook-friending Jack, even if it means he\u2019ll know my last name and have pictorial access to the fat years. \u201cHow\u2019d you find me?\u201d He messages after I send the request through. \u201cI can be pretty tricky!;)\u201d I reply.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

Throughout the day, I send him funny videos and interesting links that I know he\u2019ll love: a clip from SNL\u2019s weekend update, a recipe for beer bread, the address of a website that sells flannel shirts for dogs. \u201cLOL. Thanks,\u201d he responds. I admit that I usually judge men who use \u201cinternet slang,\u201d but how can I judge All-American Jack? He\u2019s been through so much, what with the cheating ex and all. <\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

At 5:45 PM, while in my office bathroom applying a last-minute layer of deodorant before our 6:30 PM date, my phone vibrates, alerting me to a new Facebook message. My heartbeat quickens. I imagine Jack is double-checking that I have directions to the bar; that\u2019s just the kind of man he is. <\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

I unlock the phone. I see the message:<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

Hey! I HATE to do this, but my boss just asked me go to the Mets game with him and some clients! I really think I need to go...can I take a rain check?;).<\/strong><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

I feel my lower lip tremble, but a moment later I suck it up because I appreciate a man who is committed to his work. He obviously really wants to meet me.\u00a0 Look at those exclamation points. Look at that winky-face. I write back:<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

Jax! No problem. Really. Have an AMAZING time at the game. Are you free next Tuesday? I REALLY can\u2019t wait to meet you! -Mads<\/strong><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

Maybe this is a good thing? Maybe waiting will build the sexual tension leading up to the first date, setting the tone for a long, satisfying relationship? Yes. This is definitely a good thing.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

Besides, I have last week\u2019s episode of New Girl<\/em> saved on my DVR. Zooey will make me feel better; she always does. Back home, I change into sweatpants and heat up a Lean Cuisine as I park myself in front of the TV. Before I turn on Zooey, I flip to the Mets game, hoping to catch a glimpse of Jax on the jumbotron. I smile, thinking of all the future Mets games that Jax and I will share. Maybe we can get matching jerseys? As I let out a sigh of hopeful bliss, the announcer says something about how windy it is in Chicago. That can\u2019t be right<\/em>, I think. The Mets are playing the Cubs, but the game is in New York. <\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

Right?<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

Then slowly it hits me: I\u2019ve been Cuped. <\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat did I do wrong?\u201d I whimper softly as the baseball game blurs through my tears. <\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

These internet guys are all the same. They lead you on with their emoticons and exclamation points, and then just when you think things are getting serious, just when you\u2019re really invested, just when you\u2019re about to go on your very first date, they disappear and block you from their profile. <\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

I check OKCupid and sure enough, Jax already has. :\u2019(<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Regret consumes me the second I press send.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2752","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/ducts.sundresspublications.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2752","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/ducts.sundresspublications.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/ducts.sundresspublications.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ducts.sundresspublications.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ducts.sundresspublications.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2752"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/ducts.sundresspublications.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2752\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2911,"href":"https:\/\/ducts.sundresspublications.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2752\/revisions\/2911"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/ducts.sundresspublications.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2752"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ducts.sundresspublications.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2752"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ducts.sundresspublications.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2752"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}