N<\/span>aked or semi-naked bodies abounded at Chillum Farm \u2013 it was a question of freedom from restraint \u2013 throwing off the shackles of the world. It was no big deal to skinny dip, or walk around, or sit around with various body parts exposed. Nudity had less to do with sex than with making a statement for comfort in the heat of summer. Did it lead to sex? I don\u2019t think so.\u00a0 Living in a house with no doors and the intensity of our lives more likely did, along with the idea that we could to do what we wanted. We slept around, but not a lot. Maybe we were just too worn out from working so hard. In any case, while no one was shocked at seeing Spindle, Joy, and Shadow having sex together, it wasn\u2019t the norm. But, of course, I was now living in a place where there wasn\u2019t really a norm, or where it changed daily.<\/p>\nThe morning after the Spindle\/Shadow\/Joy threesome Spindle had a new glow. In this short season where she already constantly glowed, it was almost other-worldly. I wanted to get her alone and talk about what was going on, but right after breakfast she and Joy left the house together. I dumped the water from the breakfast dishes I just finished washing and went after them thinking to catch up. Talking to both of them wasn\u2019t my first choice, but since they were together I might as well get two sides of the story. I saw them on the path just past the garden walking toward the wheat field in the back. The morning was already hot and I started to sweat as I trotted along watching them up ahead; they looked like sisters with their similar height and their dark brown hair in braids, both of them dressed in cut-offs and tank tops. Then as I got closer I saw that they were holding hands, and I noticed they were so into each other that they were oblivious I was following them. I sensed I\u2019d be an unwanted unneeded presence.<\/p>\n
I was jealous, and hurt. In the nine years Spindle and I had been best friends I\u2019d never felt shut out like this. She now had an intimacy with another woman that she and I didn\u2019t have. Lovers had come and gone in our lives and it was no big deal; but Joy —\u00a0 not only was she a woman but we all lived together — that made it way different. As these new lovers rounded a corner of the wheat field, a slight breeze stirred the heads on the stalks of wheat, and as the stalks swayed they seemed to be waving me away. Suddenly I knew I didn\u2019t want Spindle and Joy to see me. I turned around and hurried dejectedly toward the house not knowing where to go with my feelings. I was embarrassed to admit to anyone that I felt this way \u2013 it was so uncool. So not the mantra of more love.<\/p>\n
I saw Midge in the garden weeding tomatoes. I went in and sat down in the dirt next to her. \u201dYou look heavied out,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah. I want Spindle to be happy but I\u2019m not sure how to deal with this.\u201d I gave Midge a weak smile; if there was anyone I could talk to it was her, but I wasn\u2019t ready. \u201cTell me about how wonderful these tomatoes are going to be,\u201d I said, reaching down to pull a weed. And so we chattered about the garden while our hands created a spotless environment for what I was primed to believe was one of the key crops.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m hungry,\u201d she said after we\u2019d covered a lot of ground.<\/p>\n
\u201cMe too.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFollow me,\u201d she said, and led the way to the alleys created by rows of tall green corn plants. She plucked two small ears, handed me one and started shucking hers.<\/p>\n
\u201cBut Midge, the corn isn\u2019t even close to ready,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s what makes it so far out.\u201d<\/p>\n
I watched as she took a big bite, cob and all. \u201cYum,\u201d she said, practically smacking her lips. \u201cGo ahead!\u201d I did as she did, somewhat skeptically, but after the first bite \u2013 sweet and crunchy\u00a0 —\u00a0 I polished it off and wanted another. It was delectable and it sure beat hell out of the brown rice and onions we\u2019d probably have for lunch.<\/p>\n
I\u2019d been learning that the garden was a snacker\u2019s paradise; I\u2019d already munched on peas or a handful of young green or wax beans, but the corn, what a revelation! Actually, the whole garden was —\u00a0 I watched it explode. And eating fresh vegetables for the first time in my life \u2013 right off the vine or right out of the ground \u2013 well, they didn\u2019t get any fresher.\u00a0 Or tastier.<\/p>\n
Midge and I polished off a few more little ears then went back to our work. By late afternoon I felt better. Spindle found me at the creek washing off the day\u2019s labors. \u201cI\u2019ve hardly seen you,\u201d she said, sliding into the creek next to me.\u00a0 \u201cWhat a night and day!\u201d She swirled her hair around in the water. She was too high on her life to notice my tension.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, you\u2019ve been pretty occupied. So what\u2019s happening with you three?\u201d I asked, vigorously rubbing dirt from my knees. I didn\u2019t want sexual details\u00a0 —\u00a0 it wasn\u2019t prurient knowledge I was after. \u201cWhat does this mean?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know,\u201d she said. \u201cI love them, they love me, and last night was a natural progression of that love.\u201d<\/p>\n
But where do I fit in? I wanted to ask. Instead I said, \u201cWhat about Patrick?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat about him? He\u2019s so far out; I love him too.\u201d<\/p>\n
Patrick, who had been visiting Pierce\u2019s Corners, where he lived before he fell in love with Spindle and moved in with us, came back a few days later. Spindle told him that she had become lovers with Joy and Shadow. Patrick was a free spirit, he was loose about it, and she slept with him the next few nights. But Spindle\u2019s night with Joy and Shadow was not a one-night stand, and the time she spent with them increased — both at night and during the day. After lunch we usually suspended work for a while to digest our food and escape the midday heat. Shadow and Joy often gravitated to their room to hang out, and now Spindle found her way there as well; the three of them appeared deep in conversation whenever I went by.<\/p>\n
Patrick liked to draw during that time period and would catch up with Spindle at some point in the afternoon. But at the end of the day, he could no longer assume she\u2019d be going to bed with him. It got to be that no one knew where she would end up at bedtime. She continued to be enormously happy; in her world anything was possible. Shadow and Joy built an extension onto their swinging bed to accommodate Spindle. Patrick tried to go with the flow.<\/p>\n
One night, a few weeks into the shifting relationships, we all sat in the new room eating dinner. The crickets created a racket outside the screened in windows and the kerosene lanterns flickered occasionally from a heat-relief-giving breeze. \u201cMore salad, please,\u201d was a common refrain. Enough tomatoes had ripened to the point where they had the starring role in the salad bowl, leaving the greens as bit players.<\/p>\n
\u201dI need some volunteers to help spread lime tomorrow morning,\u201d Lem said. \u201cIt\u2019s on that new field I just plowed behind the wheat.\u201d He reached a long arm across the round table and picked a tomato out of the salad bowl. \u201cI want to do it early before it gets too hot.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll go,\u201d Patrick said.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh man, you\u2019re gonna get up early to do that? I don\u2019t believe it,\u201d was Lem\u2019s response. In a house full of early risers Patrick was noticeably not among them.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell just how early?\u201d Patrick asked, and the rest of us started to laugh.<\/p>\n
\u201cLem will be your alarm clock, Patrick,\u201d Shadow said.<\/p>\n
\u201cI can get up as early as anybody else. I\u2019m on the bus,\u201d Patrick said firmly.<\/p>\n
\u201cI need one more body,\u201d said Lem.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll go,\u201d I volunteered. I hadn\u2019t worked in the fields, this would be a good opportunity to see and learn. Plus, the thought of hanging out with those two and a dubie sounded like a good time.<\/p>\n
It was maybe an hour past sunrise when Lem roused Patrick and me. He herded us out of the house, coffeeless, and practically pushed us onto a two-wheeled open cart that was hooked to the back of the tractor. Sharing the cart with us was a 100 pound bag of lime. The morning was cool, clear, dewy, and beautiful. Patrick and I sat with our legs dangling over the back end of the cart, and as we bumped along we watched the house and garden recede in the growing brightness.<\/p>\n
\u201cHow ya\u00a0 doing?\u201d I asked him.<\/p>\n
\u201cOkay,\u201d he said. \u201cBut I wish I knew what the fuck was going on.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, none of us really does. But Spindle seems so happy.\u201d Having Patrick around was fun and I wanted him to stay. I liked him a lot and felt bad for him. But Spindle\u2019s happiness was more my priority, even though I wasn\u2019t entirely comfortable with how she was obtaining it.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe does seem happy. I gotta try to get behind this,\u201d he said with a big sigh.<\/p>\n
We reached the edge of the field. Lem jumped down from the tractor, opened the bag of lime and instructed us on spreading techniques. Basically, we\u2019d be sticking our hands in the bag and throwing the lime onto the ground as we drove around the field. We passed around a joint before getting started, then Lem resumed his tractor perch and off we went. It was a slow uneven ride and we giggled a lot as we tried to maintain our balance while standing on the back of the cart. \u201cGod, this day is so incredible,\u201d I said. And as if on cue, Patrick and I both started singing, \u201cWhat a day for a daydream\u2026I\u2019ve been lost in a sweet dream\u2026\u201d as the lime flew up and collected on our clothes and in our hair.<\/p>\n
Try as he might to \u201cget behind this,\u201d sharing Spindle with Shadow and Joy was not what Patrick had in mind when he moved in with us. Spindle kept telling him that there was more love to go around, but he knew he was getting distinctly less. I couldn\u2019t help asking Spindle about it periodically. \u201cI love Shadow and Joy, and I love Patrick,\u201d was her consistent, straightforward reply. In her mind it was simplistic and it made her happy; I made a supreme effort to swallow my jealousy and be supportive. Tensions developed between Patrick and Shadow, while the rest of us fell in line with the group of three \u2013 it had an undeniable power.<\/p>\n
As Spindle spent more time with Joy and Shadow so did I. I wasn\u2019t going to be left out if I could help it. I didn\u2019t want to sleep with the three of them \u2013 I was still wary of Shadow and found him physically unappealing, and I wasn\u2019t into women, at least I didn\u2019t think I was — but I did want to try to understand the attraction. What Spindle gained from being with Patrick was obvious, but this was not so clear. It was easy to see from Shadow\u2019s perspective, now that Spindle was so strong and beautiful he wanted her back; this was a Spindle he had never seen. But he was not about to give up Joy. And maybe Spindle had never stopped loving him and so she followed his call. As for Joy, I didn\u2019t know what she was thinking or feeling, but it appeared she was deeply in love with Shadow, and loved and admired Spindle. She and Spindle grew tighter by the day. There was a strong spiritual component to the threesome\u2019s connection and Shadow once again, but more subtly, assumed the role of Spindle\u2019s teacher. There were always books by Georges Gurdjieff or on Indian mysticism in their room.<\/p>\n
Patrick was a spiritual being also, but his major spirits were the gods of love, dope, and art, not necessarily in that order. Much as he tried to regain ground with Spindle it was a losing battle; her actions confirmed his secondary status daily.<\/p>\n
Joy\u2019s husband Gitch, who had left in the spring after Joy got together with Shadow, came back for a visit. It didn\u2019t take him long to size up the scene and experience d\u00e9j\u00e0 vu. \u201cWhat\u2019s going on here?\u201d he kept asking as he pretty quickly bonded with Patrick. His presence was not benign and tensions grew into hostilities. The family definitely suffered from a lack of dialogue, but it was easier to ignore what was going on than to deal with it. The warmth, however, was getting frayed.<\/p>\n
Not long after Gitch arrived, an unintentional family meeting occurred one night after dinner. Spindle, Joy, and Shadow went upstairs first and were hanging out on their bed in the middle room. Lem went up next and stopped in to shoot the shit with them on his way to the big room we shared. A while later Midge and I came upstairs, and when we saw the four of them, we climbed onto the bed too. We stretched out, smoked a dubie, and were giggling about the reaction of the local men to seeing us topless. Laurie finished putting her son Jason to bed and heard us, so instead of going back downstairs she came in to see what was happening. Never one to miss a good time, Laurie joined us on the bed. We were missing only Patrick and Gitch.<\/p>\n
\u201cBob LaVack gets so nervous, he has to look away,\u201d Laurie said. \u201cBut Leonard Strait\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAh, Strait-man,\u201d Shadow grinned. \u201cCan\u2019t move his eyes from a woman\u2019s chest.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYup,\u201d Midge cut in. \u201cLeonard, I have a face you know.\u201d<\/p>\n
We all cracked up.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat\u2019s so funny?\u201d Patrick and Gitch stood in the doorway. Tension hung around them like a black cloud. The laughter died away. \u201cHi guys, join the party,\u201d Midge said. In they came, and the rest of us shifted to make room for them on the bed. With its expanded size we all fit. There wasn\u2019t much space anywhere else in the room, and with the action up on the bed no one wanted to be sitting on the floor anyway.<\/p>\n
So we were nine hippies of various shapes and sizes lounging close together on a platform suspended from the ceiling. With the addition of Gitch and Patrick the casual ease of hanging out ceased. Their presence drastically altered the energy, reflecting the negativity that was happening more and more in the house. Now the bed became a flurry of nervous activity with joints rolled and the turquoise can of Bugler tobacco passed around; smoke from both floated through the air.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo what\u2019s going on?\u201d Gitch started. \u201cYou stole my woman and now you\u2019ve done the same to Patrick.\u201d He directed this, of course, to Shadow.<\/p>\n
Joy and Spindle, sitting on either side of Shadow, who sat cross-legged at the top of the bed, both opened their mouths to speak, but Shadow beat them to it. \u201cI didn\u2019t steal anyone from anybody,\u201d he said. \u201cJoy and Spindle aren\u2019t here against their will.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cVery funny. You know what I mean,\u201d Gitch reacted.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, maybe Joy was waiting for the right time to leave you,\u201d Shadow said.<\/p>\n
\u201cWere you, Joy?\u201d Gitch asked, looking at her. She didn\u2019t say anything.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat about that Joy?\u201d Laurie asked, almost accusingly.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, I wasn\u2019t so happy in our relationship,\u201d Joy spoke up. \u201cAnd you didn\u2019t want to be here and I did. It was just a matter of time.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know,\u201d said Gitch angrily. \u201cI came here in good faith, agreed to the vegetarian diet, worked hard, and did my part. It wasn\u2019t supposed to happen like this.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMaybe there isn\u2019t a supposed to,\u201d said Lem.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, so this is part of the flow I just go with?\u201d Gitch looked around at us.<\/p>\n
\u201cThis sure isn\u2019t the flow I planned to go with,\u201d said Patrick.<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn\u2019t have a plan,\u201d said Spindle. \u201cI am going with the flow.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMaybe that\u2019s not working so well, Spins,\u201d said Midge.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, Spindle,\u201d put in Patrick. \u201cIt\u2019s not working for me.\u201d He reached out a hand toward her.<\/p>\n
\u201cBut I love you.\u201d For the first time, Spindle looked pained.<\/p>\n
\u201cThen why can\u2019t it be like it was?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI love Joy and Shadow too.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBack to where we started,\u201d I piped up.\u00a0 \u201cPass the tobacco, Joy.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn\u2019t do this to hurt anyone,\u201d said Shadow. \u201cI want us all to love each other.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI guess you weren\u2019t too successful,\u201d said Laurie.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, there\u2019s loving and then there\u2019s loving,\u201d said Lem. \u201cShadow, you love me, but do you love me the same way you love Joy?\u201d He sat with his arm around Midge.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t make a distinction,\u201d said Shadow.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s bullshit and you know it!\u201d Gitchie was totally pissed. \u201cWho\u2019s got the godamn joint?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIs it? Maybe for you,\u201d Shadow answered.<\/p>\n
\u201cCalm down, Gitchie,\u201d Joy passed a dubie his way.<\/p>\n
\u201cQuit talking in circles,\u201d this from Patrick. \u201cIf there\u2019s no distinction then why aren\u2019t you with Lem too?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI am, in a way,\u201d Shadow answered. \u201cWe\u2019re together on many levels, just because we don\u2019t have sex doesn\u2019t mean I love him less.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t need you to prove it,\u201d Lem threw in.<\/p>\n
\u201cBut bottom line, you\u2019re fucking Joy and Spindle, and it\u2019s not making for good energy,\u201d said Laurie. She was lying down with her head in Midge\u2019s lap and her legs over mine.<\/p>\n
\u201cI can\u2019t help that.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh man\u2026\u201d Gitch leaned forward.<\/p>\n
Suddenly we heard a crack and a snap. With a big jolt we all hit the floor. \u201cWhat the fuck\u2026\u201d someone said. We looked at each other. Then we looked up as one. The ropes holding the bed had broken. \u201cHoly shit!\u201d We sat there, slumped against each other, stunned —\u00a0 all nine of us. It was a message, but exactly what we weren\u2019t sure. We looked at each other again. \u201cGuess we\u2019re sleeping on the floor tonight,\u201d Shadow made a halfhearted attempt at a joke, but no one laughed. We were too heavied out. We untangled ourselves from the ropes and each other and got up. There was an awkward silence as one by one we left the room and went to our own beds leaving Shadow, Joy, and Spindle behind. No one said anything. It was late; this was too much to deal with. Tomorrow maybe we could begin again. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
The Gang of Three<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-814","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-memoirs"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/ducts.sundresspublications.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/814","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/ducts.sundresspublications.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/ducts.sundresspublications.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ducts.sundresspublications.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ducts.sundresspublications.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=814"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/ducts.sundresspublications.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/814\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1319,"href":"https:\/\/ducts.sundresspublications.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/814\/revisions\/1319"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/ducts.sundresspublications.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=814"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ducts.sundresspublications.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=814"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ducts.sundresspublications.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=814"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}