| Opiate by Jonathan Kravetz | |
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| Conyers, Georgia (CNN) An estimated 100,000 pilgrims crowded onto a Georgia farm Tuesday to hear what they believed would be a final message from the Virgin Mary, delivered by a woman who claims to have received hundreds of such visions. Nancy Fowler, 47, has attracted huge crowds since she said the Virgin Mary told her to buy a farm in 1990 and pass on her messages to the faithful. |
| Personal journal: Jeffrey Carlson. | |
| Thursday | Arrive home from work. Turn on television and drink Budweiser. Watch Derek Jeter hit a triple. Hear a soft buzzing sound that grows louder. It's Jesus. He is hovering over the television. I lean closer to understand what he is saying. But he is only making a soft buzzing sound. Assume this is his way of telling me to stop leaning so close. Finish Bud and watch Jeter boot routine ground ball. |
| Friday | Jesus follows me to work. My boss asks me to stop making that annoying buzzing sound. I tell him it's Jesus. He calls me a liar and fires me. I leave building with cardboard box containing three years worth of junk. Jesus steals a pen from supply room. I get mugged on the subway. Suddenly, I have a revelation: Jesus wants me to preach his gospel. I get an idea for my first sermon. Jesus loans me his pen. |