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Bachelor Girl
Hannele Rubin

"Clueless in… Everywhere"


Dear Readers,

This week’s sorry story is about expectations that are way out of whack—in my experience, not an unusual state of affairs among us single folks. Our first letter writer hasn’t a clue what he really wants (even from Bachelor Girl); our second knows exactly what he wants—R-E-S-P-E-C-T—but thinks he can get it by whining women into submission. One last thing: is there anyone left out there who can actually spell? Compose a grammatical sentence? Put together a coherent paragraph? Please, oh please: will someone write me a literate letter!

Yours truly,



dear bs,

I'm not a native to the city, and am rather unfamiliar with the operations of certain ppl. i realize that pll are pll no matter what city you are in, but i think my standards are simply too high. the caliber of females (strickly looks, mind you) that i'm attracted to are out of my league. the gals that i'm not attracted to are kinda liking me. my brief history, is a fella from a small town (which doesn't have much to do with this topic, i think?) leads me to believe that i'm looked down upon. i feel as if i'm a genuine, honest, nice person who over thinks and lives (my job is literally) on the edge. i'm not the best lookin guy, but i don't really care. i'm ugly, yeah, so,...

let me get to the point. i'm color blind, and i asked a random shopper at a local sporting goods store what color it was.....and she told me, "it was a light grey with a hint of maroon". well, i thanked her, and looked up at her. wow, what a hottie, she was beautiful.

i tried to ask her more questions about her, but she threw the hint that she was leaving soon, and i picked up on that right away and replied, "have a good day". i browsed around for mmmmmmm, a 1/2 hr. or so, then i was looking at watches, and we looked at each other at the same time, she walked away.. mmh,

i must be a geek. i do have a silly western moustache, but i'm wearing it just as a joke, cuz that's wer i'ma froms. hahaha. please reply, thanks bs, pete


Dear Pete,

First off, I must object to your disparaging misuse of my initials. I realize it was a stupid oversight on your part—or perhaps you had something else on your mind while you were "writing" (on my keyboard, I see "s" is separated from "g" by two letters). You really must try to be more detail-oriented, Pete. Any self-respecting dame you date will expect no less. The head of a dating service I know usually meets her male applicants for lunch—the better to see how they behave on actual dates. Straight from "go," pal, you’ve flunked your first outing with me.

Secondly, your spelling and grammar suck.

Thirdly, you say you’re ugly, have an inferiority complex, are colorblind and overanalyze; you’re only attracted to women for their looks, and you have a goofy moustache. I don’t know what you were showing your "hottie" in the sporting goods store, but her behavior suggests she knew a stalker when she saw one.

Last, but not least, I have no idea what your question is. But because I’m feeling magnanimous (look it up), I’ll give you two words of advice: grow up. If all you have going for you is that you’re genuine, honest and nice, you might want to raise your standards a little. Instead of focusing on looks and women you feel are unavailable, try finding a genuine, honest and nice woman among the ones who are "kinda liking" you. Otherwise, whatever you’re wearing as a joke, Pete, the joke really is on you.

Yours truly,



Dear BG,

Why do women cannot TELL (or write) a note to a guy they are no longer interested? Don't women understand that eventually this disrespectful attitude can have grave effect on the male population who will not view women as nice and caring human being --in spite of their reputation!

Please, give advice to women who will by stating the obvious about stating nice things that you are no longer interested in. If you think I am pathetic to think that a woman would spend one second being respectful to males, then so be it. I'll start treating women like they treat us, then.



Dear Pierre,

I’m guessing from your name and writing style that English is not your first language, so I’ll spare you the lecture on making a good impression through grammar.

Of course, good grammar wouldn’t help you because I’m also guessing that you need a few (hundred) sessions with a shrink.

Don’t get me wrong: I am in favor of honesty (see above) at all times, especially when rejecting someone. If done with sensitivity, a rejection can be an opportunity for both parties to learn and grow. Take the last guy I rejected, for example. After a few dates, I told him I wanted to be "just friends." He said he felt the same way and had some friends he wanted to fix me up with. I’d never before been rejected right back like that. So I married him.

In most instances, however, you may have noticed that women—AND men—will run from confrontations of all kinds, among the most difficult of which is telling a suitor to get lost. Most people stay silent and act unavailable and expect the rejected party to get the hint and move on. Personally, I’ve both delivered and received this treatment, and it’s no party on either side. But, how do you say in French, c’est la vie? That’s life, pal. Get used to it.

And don’t generalize your maladjusted, misogynistic attitude to the population as a whole. Women and men are individuals; if you have had the same bad experiences with several different women, perhaps you ought to examine your own actions and attitudes with the help of a trained professional. Trying to command respect is pathetic, Pierre; respect is something we all have to earn.

Yours truly,



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