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Hotdog Museum
Alex Tomkievicz


The American Hot Dog Museum
One Franky Lane, Haydenville, Massachusetts 01039

It was the best of treats, it was the wurst of treats, it was the beef, it was the seasoning, it was more than something to eat, it was something to savor. But mostly it was millions and millions of hungry Americans who knew, who passionately believed that here was nirvana -- on a bun!

-- C. D. Chickens

Dear friends,

Please find 2 complimentary tickets to a great, new institution (and a thrilling experience!) -- The American Hot Dog Museum!

This beautiful museum is nestled in a quiet, sylvan-gladed village -- Haydenville, Massachusetts. Haydenville (pop. 23, living), has long been famous for being situated over the burial grounds of the lost Indian nation of Whose. (Rest in thine eternal peace, oh, noble warriors.)

And now Haydenville is destined to become even more famous as the home of the only Hot Dog Museum in all of America! We have learned much about the Whose and we are confident they would have enthused their approval! And why not? This museum is a veritable jewelbox -- bulging with thousands of fascinating and historically significant hot dog artifacts from every part of this great country!!!

For instance, you'll se actual hot dog griddles used at the World's Columbian Exposition in Chicago in 1893! There -- for your delight and edification -- will be hundreds of classic spatulas, forks and tongs dating as far back as 1872 -- a startling array of mustard pots including priceless pots in 18 karat gold! You'll see vendors' aprons with important marks and drips from every ballpark in America!!!

But that's only the beginning! Don't miss the symposium on the often overlooked art of bun slicing and trimming... the inspired salad recipes featuring generous chunks of hot dog sprinkled with tasty shreds of garden lettuce and dressed with garden-style mustard!... the invaluable tips on roasting, grilling, boiling, baking and sautéing America's own gustatory treat!!!

* * *

This just in: we now have on display the world's OLDEST HOT DOG!!! Indisputable authenticated by the Select Committee of the Flagerian Society!!!

A MUST visit is our GIFTTE SHOPPE... where gifts of uncommon beauty (often in the shape of a HOT DOG!) may be purchased!

And for those quiet, healing moments we all need, please know the museum's Hot Dog Chapel welcomes you.

Later -- in the Griddle Room, the museum's own nite club -- we will have a fabulous floor show featuring The Red Hots, our lovely ladies of precision dance!!!
But most of all, the museum is a vital storehouse of Americana!!! This is your American heritage... and it beckons to every man, woman and child (children under 2 admitted free)!

Remember! There's no way you can't afford not to deny yourself this truly, deeply American chronicle!!! Doors open promptly April 1 at noon!
Looking forwardly to your visit, I remain

C.D. Chickens, Jr.


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