duct duct duct
subscribe submissions contributors back issues trumpet fiction contact us legal links
support ducts
art gallery
ducts stage
best of ducts

Class Notes

Daniel McCoy

Faculty and Staff Activities:

At the January meeting, the University's Board of Trustees approved promotions from assistant to associate professor for Kirk Hampton (astronomy) and Hondo Kani (sociology in a global perspective). At the same meeting, Barb Schneider (visual arts) was officially let go, following her unfortunate stint as a model for her own life drawing class.

Illustration by Dan McCoyGerry Jackson and Roger Weymouth, adjunct professors of mathematics, attended a Bay City Rollers concert in April, and it was awesome.

Lydia Boanes, professor of English, held a small wine and cheese reception on March 5 to celebrate the release of her first book, titled Vulgarian or Volcano?  Images of Spewing in the Plays of Henry Fielding.  In point of fact, the reception was smaller than desired. Rest assured that she has recorded the name of every invitee not in attendance, and retribution will be unexpected and swift.

News and Class Notes has received a postcard from Jon Frankel, still on his year-long sabbatical studying the mating behavior of Cancun vacationers.  The picture on the card is amusing, although we suspect that in real life the shark would be more interested in consuming the girl than her bikini.

The Classes


There are no alumni alive from 1912.


Asa and Harriet  Zalman write: "We are delighted to see so many young faces when we peruse the alumni magazine. Its arrival is always a thrill, as it is the only publication we receive these days.  Our budget forced us to let our other subscriptions lapse–even TV Guide. We used to go to the library, but it is too far to walk, and we are so tired.  Please publish more often.


James Pyle has been awarded a medal by the Exotic Knights of the Far East for 25 years of dedicated service as a street sweeper for Harris County, VA.

Elsie Geeseman has retired after a forty year tenure as the first female head of medicine at Johns Hopkins.

Shirley Pyle regrets to announce the death, by suicide, of her husband, James, following his retirement.  There will be no wake. Flowers can be sent to the Exotic Knights of the Far East lodge, main receiving room, Route 4.


Arlene Craig spent the past five years in federal detention serving part of a life sentence for espionage.  She is now permitted to correspond with those on the outside, and wishes to apologize to Sally Hemming ('56), Todd Carlson ('55), Deb Redding ('56), and most of all, her husband George Hudson ('53), for any information she may or may not have extracted from them and sold to the Soviets.

Beth "Taffy" Fowler wishes to share the birth of her granddaughter, Dot.


Jerry and Ginny Salvero had planned to attend the 45th reunion at the Platinum Best Western Convention Center, in Augusta.  However, they mistakenly attended the 35th reunion being held at the Diamond Ballroom next door (after a brief snack of bitter herbs, courtesy of the seder being held in the Ruby Room).  Although they did not know anyone, they feel that it's a testament to the fine people Ole Henry produces that they enjoyed themselves anyway.  They apologize to all the classmates they had promised to see, especially their leprosy-stricken friend, Frances Hanson, whom they have not seen since graduation.  There's always the 50th!


Karl Watson implores his classmates to send him money for the videotapes of their 40th reunion.  He reminds them that they were the ones who said they wanted the tapes, they said they would be willing to pay $17.00 + $4.00 shipping for a record of this occasion and that they nominated him to handle the videography.  As of this date, three of the 1,500 videotapes have been purchased, and Mr. Watson's sporting goods store has been foreclosed upon. Mr. Watson wishes to inform the class of '64 that he has acquired an alphabetical list of their addresses from Alumni Relations, owns a tire iron, and has nothing to lose.  Put out the Welcome mat, classmate Aaron Abrams!


Farley Geeseman was awarded the gold metal at the last Winter Olympics as part of the U.S. luge team.

Paul Greenbriar  is pleased to announce that his company, (Curd 'n Weight) which produces tofu-based truck stop sandwiches, went public this year, netting $250 million.  He finally sold the farmhouse, displacing Greg "Roach" Pilgrim ('67), Linda "The Rack" Wyzcowski ('67), and Terry "Wong-Botter" Garson, and purchased a 100-acre mansion in northern California.  Greg, Linda, and Terry have moved in with Terry's old man in San Francisco.


Salvador Donahue writes, "when I think back on the tempestuous year of our graduation, I reflect upon all we lived through–the assassinations of Dr. King and Bobby Kennedy, the war in Vietnam, the riots–and I can't help but think that those hardships made us the men and women we are today.  But, mostly, I wonder why Kimberly Jaye wouldn't sleep with me, even though we dated for three years, but then she went straight out and did it with Tad Burton ('69) and his brother Todd ('67). WHY, Kimberly, WHY?!  Was it because of Bobby?  I loved you so much.  I graduated a virgin. Call me."


Rory Geeseman won the Nobel Peace Prize for his historic work in Belfast. Mike Goodman just wanted to submit this brief list of classmates he still hates: Amanda Crow, Garth Reider, James Reigan, Larry Fruse, Audrey Beisch, Uter Schneides, Holly Harris, Nick Forrest, and Emma Massin.  He hopes you burn.

Hello from Sarah Whittaker!  She wants to share the good news–she has found God. Her blessings are SO overflowing, as is her desire to share with her class, that she has sent each of you a flower (both psychically, and via FedEx).


Barry Soder writes on behalf of Dan Stewart: "Hi.  The alumni relations office won't allow me to submit to class notes, since I didn't technically graduate, (I didn't complete beginner's lap swim, due to the measles) so I'm having my friend Barry write in for me. Thanks to everyone for the cards of concern.  It turns out that the results of the biopsy were [DELETED]. I've moved, but you can write me at [ADDRESS DELETED BY EDITOR]."


Zoë Geeseman was just elected Senator to the great state of New Hampshire.

Jam Stokley just wants to assure everyone that he keeps on keepin' on.  Times are tough, but the Jam-Man lives for the challenge. Downsizing at Ralston Purina just means your clothes don't have that tuna stink come Friday!  The Jammer is now a self-employed smoker of butts, kicker of asses, and drinker of suds.  Now here's this issue's patented Jam Recommendations: 1. The movie Blade — vampires and katana swords! 2. Skoal — for a hands-free buzz!  3. Earl Grey tea — to unwind!


Rustin Householter enjoyed visiting Mexico last Summer, and he has the sombrero to prove it.


Julie Geeseman was awarded the congressional medal of honor, for her widely publicized exploits in the Middle East.

Pat Poller-Walsh's essay "Head Over Heels" will be included in Trebuchet, an anthology devoted to essays; memoirs; musings; sonnets; burlesques; epistolary novels; villanelles; bildings-romans; or romans a clef concerning catapults, or catapult-related matters.  His previous works for Trebuchet include "End Over End" for issue #9, "Stem Over Stern" for issue #5, and "Topsy-Turvy" for issue #3.


Jagnes Grosscamp wishes to announce that she has changed her name to "Mistee."

William R. Geeseman was recently named Time's "Man of the Year."

Matthew Hickey writes, "I've been spending the ten years since graduation juggling, playing the saw, maintaining a website cataloguing interesting matchbooks, learning Esperanto, painting portraits on velvet, and otherwise engaging in quirky and novel behavior to shore up my ever-deteriorating sense of myself as a unique individual and make myself feel better about accomplishing nothing since college.  Jimbo, Gary, Mike, please call.


Darlene Bays, mother of Annie, wrote in with this update about her daughter: "We couldn't be prouder.  Annie recently wed James Realton, a fine young man who's a partner with one of Boston's top law firms. She's kept up with her singing–she always had such a lovely voice! And still has plenty of time to visit her father and I in Andover. Just wanted to keep you informed!"

Annie Bays writes, "I have been apprised that my mother may contact you on my behalf.  Let me make this clear: I am unemployed and living with my lover Jessica in San Francisco.  Couldn't be happier, esp. with her breasts.  I also drink alcohol on occasion."


Miriam Shaffer spied classmate Laurie Geeseman, heir to the vast Geeseman fortune, shortly before her widely-reported disappearance, exiting a crack house on Atlantic Avenue.  She seemed disoriented, but thin


Return to Fiction