FROM THE COMPUTER OF
MR. ABRAHAM ATIKU
BARRISTER, TOGO (A WEST AFRICAN PLACE)
I have tallied it just now: This is the 4TH e-mail I have sent to you RE: the confidential transaction of $300,000,000 (Three hundred million dollars). Yet I have not 1 (one) reply from you.
If I may be so valiant as to ask: How many times a week do you get the chance to get hundreds of MillionS of dollars weird to your account for a token $150 transaction fee? 5? Ten? If it is more than one, I suggest you take one of those other offers and desist in stringing me along.
I am sorry. I am not meaning those tumultuous words.
I told you that I had a client with the same surname as you, who recently died from a sudden reason, and did not leave any hairs. But I did not tell you that when I think of the Billions and Billions of secret dollars he left in the Federal Nigerian Bank, and how those funds are about to be declared “unworthy” and seized by unscrupulous figurines, I feel like I am losing my client all over again.
When I found your name on a List of Honest People on the Internet, I urgently knew that you, firstname.lastname@example.org were the business partner I must have. But u ignore me like i am a pencil that has disappointed you.
My fellow barristers say I am crazy to trust a person I have never met. Only, I cannot cease thinking of yourself. Just today I was conversing on the telephone with the Lady Accountant at the Bank of Nigerians (the one who can execute our transaction with maximum secrecy) when I was overcome by thoughts of you.
What are your favorite colors, I wondered. Maybe could you be dreaming of me at this very same moment?
Then I heard the Lady Accountant on the phone again: “Barrister Atiku, are you crying?” she asked. I deactivated the telephone in shame.
Do you not trust me? I have many friends, including Bill Gates, chairman of The Microsoft Company, and ROBERT S. MUELLER III, former director of the FBI. They would be glad to give you e-mail communications attesting to my mellifluous character.
I am a hard barrister to conduct dealings with, I know. Sometimes I misspell my own name, and I withhold important details about myself. But this is only because I am afraid of being hurt.
MAYBE you are afraid of being Hurt also?
Sir, please know that a relationship with me is a 100% RISK FrEE proposition.
Let us stop this yo-yo dance. Because, at the end of the day, I am just an African lawyer, standing in front of a plantdude, asking if I may give him 5% of my country’s gross domestic product.
Barrister Abraham Atiku